|1. You think the primary purpose of wings is to PREVENT
2. You take your helmet along when you go to a car dealership
for a test drive.
3. Every time you go to the grocery store you feel compelled
to beat your previous best time.
4. You think it's normal to have the outside edge of your
tires worn down.
In fact, you prefer it because
you have "better" traction now.
5. When something falls off of your car, you wonder how
much weight you just saved.
6. When you hear 'overcooked it,' instead of food
you think 'off the track.'
7. You thoroughly enjoy showing the tailgater behind
how to drive around a highway off-ramp.
8. You once had an argument with your wife over whether
you should pay the mortgage on time
or get those new heads while
they were on sale.
9. You push your cart through a proper line in the
10. You've paid $4.00 a gallon for gas without complaining.
11. You bought a tow vehicle instead of braces for your kid.
12. You and your wife go house hunting and you never actually
get inside the house because you're
checking out the garage for 220v.
13. You sit in your car in the dark out in your garage and make
car noises and shift
and practice your heel and toe,
while waiting for your motor to get back from the machine shop.
14. Your wife doesn't understand why you need three sets of tires
for your car.
15. Your garage holds more cars than your house has bedrooms.
16. You have car parts in your cubicle at work.
17. You're registered for wedding gifts at Tweeks and Zimms.
18. Your Christmas list begins with another set of BFG R1s and
rack bushings and your 'significant
other' knows what these are.
19. Your home library consists of auto parts catalogs, books
written by F1 drivers,
anything about Porsche, and 400
20. Your family brings the couch into the garage so they can
spend some time with you.
21. You complain when cars in front of you on highway off-ramps
don't stay on the line,
causing your exit speed to drop.
22. A neighbor asks if you have any oil, to which you query,
"Synthetic or organic?"
and they reply, "Corn."
23. You refer to the corner down the street from your house as
24. You always late apex the intersection and try to pass a few
cars coming out.
25. You can't stand anyone telling others how to drive. Of course,
you are the best.
26. You will gladly pay up to $8 for a quart of engine oil.
27. You hate long distance driving vacations, but you will gladly
drive 800 miles to the race track.
28. You think that traction control and ABS are for those who
29. You save broken car parts as "momentos".
30. You've tried synthetic oil and racing gas in your lawn mower.
31. You've tweaked your riding lawn mower to improve its cornering
32. Instead of pictures in your wallet, you have timeslips.
33. You would choose a rollbar over air conditioning if it were
34. White smoke coming out from under your tires is a common
35. You know the "racing line" of every turn in your daily commute.
36. After you tell your wife where you'd like to go on your vacation
"Why? Is there a race there?"
37. You have race shops programmed on your speed dialer.
38. You own five cars and only one of them is street legal.
39. Your brake rotors glow in the dark when you get home from work.
40. You get a volume discount at "The Tire Rack".
41. You forget to release your parking brake and don't notice a difference.
42. The local police have a picture of your car taped to their dashboards.
43. Your car spends more time at Mayo's than in your driveway.
44. Mayo's tells you, "I don't know how we can spend any more of
45. You're afraid to drive your car in the rain.
46. You don a fire suit, helmet, and gloves as you leave for work.
47. You start referring to traffic lights as "Christmas Trees."
48. Your opinion of horsepower is "Wretched excess is barely adequate."
49. You stake out the local dentist's office, scheming about how to
get “The big blue bottle."
50. People are afraid to ride with you.
51. You fill your tires with nitrogen.
52. Your clutch is so stiff you need both feet to move the pedal.
53. You can pass anything except the nearest gas station.
54. You keep a traffic lawyer on retainer.
55. You build a skidpad in your back yard to tweak your alignment settings.
56. You lie awake at night worrying about brake fade in next morning's
57. You power-slide into your parking space at work.
58. You spend more on "Octane Boost" than on gasoline.
59. Red traffic lights appear green due to Doppler shift.
60. You give up on adding more horsepower and rent a wind tunnel to
improve your top end.
61. You replace your brake pads and bleed the lines each night when
you get home from work.
62. You can launch your car in sixth gear and still smoke the tires.