About five miles back I had a brush
with the CHP. Not stopped or pulled over: nothing routine. I always drive
A bit fast, perhaps, but always
with consummate skill and a natural feel for the road that even cops recognize.
No cop was ever born who isn’t
a sucker for a finely-executed high speed controlled drift all the way
one of those cloverleaf freeway
Few people understand the psychology
of dealing with a highway traffic cop.
Your normal speeder will panic
and immediately pull over to the side when they see the big red light behind
and then they will start apologizing,
begging for mercy.
This is wrong. It
arouses contempt in the cop-heart.
The thing to do-when you’re running
along about a hundred or so,
and you suddenly find a red flashing
CHP-tracker on your trail-what you want to do then is accelerate.
Never pull over at the first siren
Mash it down and make the bastard
chase you at speeds up to 120 all the way to the next exit.
He will follow.
But he won’t know what to make
of your blinker-signal that you’re about to turn right.
This is to let him know you’re looking
for a proper place to pull over and talk...
Keep signaling and hope for an
off-ramp. One of those uphill side loops with a sign saying, “Max speed
And the trick, at this point, is
to suddenly leave the freeway and take him into the chute at no less than
a hundred miles per hour.
He will lock his brakes at about
the same time as you lock yours,
but it will take him a moment to
realize he’s about to take a 180-degree turn at this speed...
But you will be ready for it, braced
for the G’s and fast heel-toe work,
and with any luck at all you will
have come to a complete stop off the road at the top of the turn
and be standing beside your automobile
by the time he catches up.
He will not be reasonable at first...
but no matter. Let him calm down.
He will want the first word. Let
him have it. His brain will be in turmoil; he may begin jabbering, or even
pull his gun.
Let him unwind; keep smiling.
The idea is to show him that you
were always in total control of yourself and your vehicle...
While he lost control of everything.
It helps to have a police/press
badge in your wallet when he calms down enough to ask for your license.
I had one of these, but I also
had a can of Budweiser in my hand.
Until that moment, I was unaware
that I was holding it. I had felt totally on top of the situation...
But when I looked down and saw
the little red evidence-bomb in my hand, I knew I was fucked...